Ego Fish

During the second half of Day 1 of the PCA, I had a young, apparently very successful high-stakes cash game player on my left. I didn’t recognize his name or screenname, but he talked about playing 10/20 and 25/50 NLHE games on PokerStars and a 50/100 game here at Atlantis. He clearly had money to throw around, because several of the masseuses knew him by name, and he talked loudly and often about the thousands of euros he’d spent on massages.

In addition to all the bragging, he had a really condescending attitude towards everyone else at the table. A recreational player sucked out on him in a big pot and apologized. He laughed in the guy’s face for apologizing and sent a clear message: “I don’t care about the $10,000, and you’re a fish if you think a bad beat is something you need to apologize for.” When the same player later lost his stack on a questionable shove, the kid said to him, “That’s how you spend my chips?”

People like this used to really get under my skin, especially when they directed their attitude at me. It made me want to prove something to them, and sometimes it even intimidated me. They and other types of unpleasant people (angry people, whiners, degenerates) were a big part of what I didn’t enjoy about live poker.

This doesn’t really make sense, though, because I know that ego is a leak in poker. The really great players don’t act this way. Anyone who does is insecure about something.

Getting upset about these players is as silly as the guys who get upset because “internet kids raise too much.” If we raise too much, then find a way to exploit that! Ego is a leak, and rather than letting arrogant opponents get under my skin, I am learning to see their behavior for what it is: a weakness, a personal failing on their part, and if anything a possible source of profit for me. Whether or not I wind up exploiting someone’s ego, not get upset about it is already a victory for me and something that helps me to make better decisions.

If an elderly person is walking slowly in front of me, I don’t get angry at him, because I know that he can’t help it. Why get angry when a rude person is rude or an arrogant person is arrogant?

This story doesn’t end in some redemptive moment where I set a bear trap for this kid and stack him. He was tough, he was on my left, and I stayed out of his way and avoided giving him opportunities to outplay me. I suppose his eagerness to broadcast his talent may have saved me a few chips that I otherwise would have lost figuring out what I could and couldn’t get away with with him behind me.

To want that kind of ending is already to stoop to his level. It is to seek some sort of definitive proof that after all I am better than he is! I want to spend my time and mental energy focusing on my own flaws, the ones that are within my power to change. There’s plenty there to keep me busy without worrying about what I don’t like about somebody else.

14 thoughts on “Ego Fish”

  3. I remember a post on the thevegasyear.blogspot.com when he was talking about playing people on the net, and getting clues on their personality in the chat box. To summarise, when he sucked out in someone and they typed ‘nh DONK’ he was glad to be playing with them. When they simply said ‘nh’, he was wary, as it was a sign that they were happy for him to keep playing in a faulty fashion, as it could be exploited.

  5. i can totally relate… whenever someone decent at the table beats me in a big pot, i want to get revenge… i try not to play stupidly in my attempt but i guess if i were truly secure, i could just remember the details of that hand and move on to the next hand…

    however, i have been lucky enough to exact revenge on some players and i have to admit, it’s pretty darn satisfying… but that’s probably a leak, like you’re saying… =)

  6. Your post indicates to me that you struggle with your ego very much.
    Your post reminds me my struggle with my “I”.
    I used very similar technic like you with very limited success in long term.
    Motivation talk,evaluation,injection of logic, Tandler tricks,etc.
    Your final conclusions gives a little glimpses of hope that you are close to improve your technick.
    My ego tells me that your final conclusion are brilliant and hopeless wrong.LOL.
    OK.The brilliant part first.
    In your final conclusion I can extract great definition of Ego I have ever done.
    Definition:
    Ego is very busy entity.It is preoccupied(obsessed) with just one question or finding the proof:AM I BETTER THAN he IS?
    This “intellectual” activity takes priority focus and energy from your limited resources.
    Now hopelessly wrong part.
    Reread you post.Maybe I am wrong but your whole post is “the proof” to evaluate this question.
    My past experience tells me that your conclusion are dead wrong.
    DON’T “spend my time and mental energy focusing on your own flaws” or somebody else.
    DON’T do internal motivation talks.
    You will just strengthen you own ego in long term.In short term it may bring great results.

    What should you do?
    Your post indicates that you are not ignorant of your thought process and feelings.Great News!!.
    Do such observation of your internal experience as often as possible but without evaluation,judgement,significance or preference.

    PS.
    My Ego feels fu great after I gave you this lesson.LOL

  7. Personal growth like the kind you describe here is a process. It’s interesting and illuminating to stop and examine a milepost like this. Thanks for sharing it.

  8. Seems like you’ve been channeling Tommy Angelo.
    By chance I listened to an old interview with him on Duece Plays yesterday. Bart specifically asked him about these situations. Tommy claimed he never critiques any behavior at the table. His explanation was this. If a fish plays poorly and a pro criticizes the fish for his play, the pro is basically imposing his opinion of the fish onto the fish and others at the table. If Tommy then scolds the pro, Tommy is imposing his opinion of the pro onto the pro and others at the table. Thus, he is repeating the pro’s behavior.

    As for the mindfulness, here are some high quality phrases to keep in mind (no offense intended Ms. Barnes). (Shit yogis say http://youtu.be/IMC1_RH_b3k)

    Russ

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