Frustration

I let a guy get under my skin and tilt me tonight, which I almost never do. We were at a $2/$4 deep-stacked table, and he was just relentlessly aggressive pre-flop, both in and out of position. He was cold 4-betting me, he was 3-betting me, he was 5-betting me, etc. and always with perfect timing. Like I was getting no action on my big hands but getting re-raised constantly when I was at the middle or bottom of my range. Initially I think I was dealing with it well, but he was running well and so sucking out with whatever garbage he’d 3-bet from out of position. Then I made a stupid 6-bet all with A3s and he pretty well owned me by 5-bet-calling 99 for 250BB’s. Then we got into another big pot where he called a 4-bet from out of position with 65s, flopped a flush draw, turned a pair, got it in against my TPTK for 250 BB’s, and sucked out on the river. I swore out loud after that one, which is something I used to do a lot but that I’ve tried to stop doing in the last year.

After that I just quit. When you’ve been playing badly, I think it’s important to recognize and learn from your mistakes but also to find something that you did well and take pride in that, so that you don’t get too down on yourself. So, I took pride in quitting well. (Thanks, Tommy Angelo).

Usually I try to leave my frustrations at the table when I quit, but tonight I couldn’t (still can’t, really, which is part of why I’m writing this). I paced around my apartment for a while, complained to my girlfriend, and then went for a walk.

It’s cold, windy, and snowy in Boston right now, but once you get past the unpleasantness of that, it’s actually quite pretty as well. We live in a picturesque neighborhood, and the streetlights shining on snowy brownstones is lovely.

As I started walking, this crazy thought went through my head: “I hope nobody tries to mug me tonight, because I’m really in the mood to punch somebody, and I don’t think that would end well for me.” I don’t know why that occurred to me; despite the weather, plenty of people were out on a Friday night in Boston, and I wasn’t wandering through dark alleys or anything. Plus I probably wouldn’t have done it anyway, but I was feeling a little bit crazy.

Troubled by that thought, I decided to turn it into something positive instead, so the next crazy thought that occurred to me was that I should go make somebody’s night by dropping $20 on the first panhandler I saw. I was mulling over whether I should actually do this when as if on cue a guy asked me for change. I paused, started to reach into my pocket, and then realized I only had a couple of ones on me.

“I’ll get you on the way back,” I told him, which I think tilted the shit out of him because he started calling after me, “I’m looking for work, too! I’m a certified electrician!” He said some other stuff that I couldn’t hear. There was an ATM on the corner, so I got some cash, folded up a $20, and dropped it in his cup. I could tell he was a talker and I really wasn’t in the mood for conversation, so I tried to just keep walking, but he must have checked immediately to see what I gave him because he started shouting “Thank you!” at my back.

There’s a coffee shop right across the street that has really good-looking baked goods I’ve been wanting to try, so I stopped in to buy a cookie but all they had left were some dry looking scones. Could I run any worse? So I left there and walked a few more blocks to the Whole Foods, but they didn’t have much of a selection either. I wasn’t particularly proud of myself for wanting to drown my sorrows in food, so I bought a muffin that I didn’t think I’d like, ate a few bites, and threw the rest away.

Then I walked home, still feeling frustrated, and so here we are.

Cliff’s Notes: I ran bad and played bad but at least I quit well. Then I went for a walk and tilted a panhandler but made it up to him. Then I bought a muffin but didn’t eat it. Cool story, bro.

18 thoughts on “Frustration”

  2. Hang in there. I don’t recall too many stories like this from you. If you need something positive to focus on, just think of all the donks like me you help everyday.

    On a related note, you follow Jared Tendler at all? Former golfer, turned anti-tilt specialist within the poker world. Has a new book coming out very soon. Think he’s on the CashPlays podcast with Jeremiah and Nicolak now too.

    http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=114595518614508#!/jaredtendlerpoker

    • I’ve heard of him, don’t think I’ve read anything of his though. I’ll be interested to see the book, thanks.

  3. I know that you like meditation and yoga stuff so maybe you gonna like it(if you dont know it already)
    About two month ago I started regulary listen to that:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4noQ0MD1_8s (close eyes, every day the same time counting breath, around 15-20 min – simple meditation). This is some special mantra, mediation upon it purify the mind and body.

    And its works great. I feel calm, happy and I find it very hard to get angry not only on poker table but also in real life situation (I have 3 years old boy – so belive me i have occasion to be angry every day)

    Genneral recommend it to everyone. Its win, win situation at least you gonna relax for a while. For me its starts to work after two weeks.

    Ok, its time for my meditation now,

  4. Hey Andrew,

    Having read your blog for a couple/few years now, I don’t recall many posts where you’ve expressed so much frustration, especially from one session. Be thankful that you have the self-awareness to know you’re out-of-balance, your good health to restore said balance, and hundreds of supportive readers. It won’t be long before your stacking chips at yet another final table. Keep your head up, Player.

    • Thanks! I do appreciate those things, and your pointing them out :-).

      You’re right that this kind of reaction isn’t standard for me, which is why it was so troubling for me. As you probably guessed, there was more than session contributing to this. Friday was just the final straw.

  5. The miserable feeling of mental frustration aside, I think you can take pride from writing a fantastic blog. Anyone can recount a hilarious or exciting story and make it entertaining, but you just told what was, by your own self-admission, a very boring story, and made me laugh out loud multiple times while reading it. Well played, sir. The content blogs are great, but I’d love to see more of these funny narratives as well!

    • Much appreciated, thanks. I’ve been kicking around some ideas for stories to recount- I’ll see if I can’t get one of them published this week.

  6. Andrew,
    You write very well from several perspectives of writing well.
    “Could I run any worse” had me laughing. Your sarcasm leapt off the page. Also, “Dry scones” is delightfully poetic.
    Try this link for the Mario’s above mentioned mantra, “Om mani padme hum”.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=iG_lNuNUVd4
    This version of the chant does not contain unnecessary instrumentation.
    “Om mani padme hum” is said to contain all the teachings of the Buddha.

      • I actually find PLO to be less tilting than NL.

        Probably because its easier to accept that you’re going to lose more often in a game where equities run so close..instead of getting it in as an 80/20 favorite and failing.

        Then again, its really easy to just drop 5-10 buyins in 20 min and not even realize it if you’re not running well.

        • Ya I also play smaller stakes than I do in NLHE and don’t particularly expect to win, so I don’t find PLO too stressful at all right now.

  9. My favorite part is purchasing the crappy muffin as though it was punishment :D.

    Sounds like you handled the situation and did what you were supposed to! Way to quit well sir.

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