Very Rewarding Hand

So I was playing at a random 5/10 table the other day and had been at the table for only a few dozen hands when this happened:

Full Tilt Poker No-Limit Hold’em, $10 BB (6 handed) Hand History converter Courtesy of PokerZion.com

SB ($1753.50)
BB ($2343.75)
UTG ($1015)
MP ($725.10)
CO ($845)
Hero ($1115)

Preflop: Hero is Button with 5h, 3h.
3 folds, Hero raises to $35, SB calls $30, 1 fold.

Flop: ($80) Jd, 4h, 9s (2 players)
SB bets $47, Hero raises to $130, SB calls $83.

Turn: ($340) Ad (2 players)
SB checks, Hero bets $250, SB folds.

Final Pot: $590

arch777: ur so lucky and so bad

As you can see, I didn’t even hit the Ace, although it was a lucky card for me nonetheless. But I have no idea what prompted that. Anyway, the guy was definitely the weakest player at the table, so I wanted to encourage whatever little vendetta he thought he had against me.

arch777: keep raisen me u bafoon
Me: let’s go play heads up
Me: you can take all my money

Yes, I’m aware that the heads up challenge is a played out donk retort, but sometimes it does get accepted, and it can’t hurt to ask. It’s made me some money in the past. But he persists:

arch777: yeah man thats always a good comeback
Me: is that a yes?
arch777: dude ur not even on my radar
Me: i mean i will play you at substantial stakes
Me: you caould take a few grand from me
Me: that’s not worth your time?
arch777: honestly u should go play limit
Me: will you play me HU in limit?
arch777: dude heads up is for tournaments and highrollers
Me: it’s not for loudmouth idiots like you?
arch777: dude honestly ive never seen u before but everyone here could atest to the fact ur abafoon
Me: honestly if you are too scared to play me HU then STFU
Me: you got a big mouth but won’t back it up
arch777: u gotta come up with something else for a comeback because that is redicously generic
Me: it’s not a combeback i just want to play you HU
Me: b/c i think i am beter than you
Me: and if you think you’re better, thne its win win
arch777: ill take ur money right here thanks
Me: i dunno you got outplayed last time
arch777: u think too much thats ur problem in that little peebrain of yours
Me: what are you talking about?
arch777: that was the perfect question for my nresponse
Me: it’s spelled buffoon
Me: fyi
arch777: i like ur hair though

For those who don’t know, Full Tilt lets each player choose a cartoon avatar. There are a bunch of them, you can be a rock or a clown or a donkey or whatever. I turn off the avatars because the program runs faster without them, but apparently mine, which I’ve never bothered to change, is a black guy with an Afro. I think that explains some of the racist names I get called when I win pots, although I encounter the same stuff on other sites sometimes as well, so that’s not the only explanation. This guy never got into racial epithets, but there was definitely an undertone, because he ultimately commented on only the hair, nose, and big lips of my avatar. Finally, I told him:

Me: plz shut up
arch777: im not talking im typing
arch777: so u should say pl stop typing
Me: ok pretend i said that

The ‘conversation’ was interrupted by this hand:

Full Tilt Poker No-Limit Hold’em, $10 BB (5 handed) Hand History converter Courtesy of PokerZion.com

Button ($1546.50)
SB ($1057)
BB ($1000)
UTG ($606.10)
Hero ($2755)

Preflop: Hero is MP with 3s, Ac.
1 fold, Hero raises to $35, Button calls $35, 2 folds.

Flop: ($85) 3c, 6s, As (2 players)
Hero bets $70, Button raises to $140, Hero raises to $420, Button folds.

He was quiet for a while, then we played this pot:

Full Tilt Poker No-Limit Hold’em, $10 BB (6 handed) Hand History converter Courtesy of PokerZion.com

BB ($1356.50)
UTG ($1347)
MP ($2007)
CO ($337.45)
Button ($1038)
Hero ($2918)

Preflop: Hero is SB with 4c, 8c.
4 folds, Hero completes, BB checks.

Flop: ($20) 5h, Jh, 3c (2 players)
Hero bets $20, BB raises to $40, Hero folds.

Final Pot: $80

I couldn’t resist mocking his constant min-raises.

Me: aren’t you the one who told me to go play limit?
Me: but you the one keeps making the stupid little raises
arch777: yes i stand by that
Me: oh you are talking again
Me: you shut up for a while after i owned you
Me: i thought you were done
Me: but i guess you screwed up your courage again
arch777: ur money will be gone soon enough
Me: %$$%! i gave you your chance to take it, if you are too scared to play me HU, then stop running your mouth
arch777: get a haircut
Me: you understand that is just a picture, right
Me: a drawing
Me: i don’t really look like that
arch777: u have a big nose
Me: u have a big mouth
arch777: i know u look like him
Me: you don’t like black people much do you?
arch777: im black buddy
Me: bull!#!%
arch777: im a black gnome hung like an elephant
Me: you’re a loudmouth racist coward
arch777: ur hung like a lightswitch
Me: good zinger
Me: you get that from 2 1/2 men?
arch777: ur hung like a fieldmouse
arch777: with a bad haircut

And just as he was typing that, along came this little beauty:

Full Tilt Poker No-Limit Hold’em, $10 BB (6 handed) Hand History converter Courtesy of PokerZion.com

BB ($1373.50)
UTG ($1087)
MP ($2004)
CO ($307.45)
Button ($1270)
Hero ($2953)

Preflop: Hero is SB with 8h, 9s.
4 folds, Hero completes, BB checks.

Flop: ($20) 5h, 6h, 7d (2 players)
Hero bets $20, BB raises to $47, Hero raises to $161, BB calls $114.

Turn: ($342) 3c (2 players)
Hero bets $342, BB raises to $684, Hero raises to $2782 (All-In), BB calls $518.50 (All-In).

River: ($4326.50) 2h (2 players, 2 all-in)

Final Pot: $4326.50

Results in white below:

Hero has 8h 9s (straight, nine high).

BB has 6c Kc (one pair, sixes).

Outcome: Hero wins $4326.50.

Of course, after this one, he immediately sat out and left without another word.