Sorry for the long silence, I was out of town for a wedding and didn’t have much time to update. Quick funny story from the wedding: I caught the garter when the groom threw it, which apparently meant I had to put it onto the leg of the woman who caught the bouquet that the bride threw. Every inch above her knee was supposed to mean 5 years of good luck for the married couple or something like that.
So the bride had 13 bridesmaids who were practically the only single women at the wedding, and 12 of them were pretty good looking. The last one was somewhat trollish, though, and even though the wedding was on a Friday, fortune frowned on me as though it were a Sunday, meaning that I had to feel up the leg of lucky number 13.
I could barely get the garter past her knee at all, and I tried to quit there, but the bride glowered at me for cursing her wedding, so I gave it another go and managed to force the thing another inch up this bitch’s fat thigh. Meanwhile she was making at harder by squirming and giggling at what was probably the first guy to go crawling underneath her skirt in some time.
Finally the elastic band of the garter made clear to me that it would stretch no further, and I withdrew my hand. But apparently it was my job to take the thing off, too, so I had to reach back up her skirt for a third time to retrieve it. Goddammit why couldn’t one of the leggy blonds have shown a little hustle?!?!
Nice. Whose wedding?
My oldest step-brother, Richard. I had never met the bride, but she seemed nice enough.